The good old "mothers" problems again surfaces and must be maintained as Fathers are left out or at best allocated as the occasional visitor by the family courts and a PAS active female..

You may well ask " Where is the equivalent for Fathers", my response would be..

In your dreams..

Sole attention and money aimed primarily at mothers by sexist, Male-hating and Father-hating government programs..

Some More..

Something for mothers (under the guise of / 'trojan horse' for children - "Minister for Children Maxine Morand"); nothing for fathers. Same old, same old!

That said, the section entitled "Your Children's Dad" isn't all bad nor necessarily anti-father (see Appendix below). One presumes this is the mothers' rights activists price paid for receiving taxpayer funding for this publication: they could not be overtly anti-father.

Quote: As well as listing addresses and phone numbers, the State Government-funded guide contains sub-chapters on talking to children about "tough stuff", how to maintain a child’s relationship with his or her dad and even affirming life stories of mothers’ experiences.

To read online or print out this new parenting resource, see:
http://www.educatio n.vic.gov. au/earlychildhoo d/parenting/ singlemothersres ource.htm
Single Mothers: a resource for parenting solo (PDF - 4.1Mb, 52 pages).
http://www.eduweb. vic.gov.au/ edulibrary/ public/earlychil dhood/parentinfo /singlemothers. pdf

More details follow article below.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

http://www.theage. com.au/national/ booklet-a- resource- for-single- mothers-20090802 -e5vv.html

The Age (Melbourne)
3 August 2009

Booklet a resource for single mothers
By Farah Farouque

It wasn't part of her life plan to raise a child alone, but that’s the way motherhood worked out for Brenda Curran.

The pathway of this doting Melbourne mother to Zain, aged four, reflects the position of more than 480,000 families nationally. That’s the number of lone-parent households in Australia with children under 15.

Overwhelmingly, these families are headed by women, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.

Yet too often, mothers who have to raise children alone struggle when looking for community support. Ms Curran, for example, says her greatest succour outside her extended family in Mildura is the internet. "I Googled to find help," she said.

In a bid to short-circuit the lack of information about support services, a 45-page booklet, Single Mothers: A Resource Guide for Parenting Solo, has been launched in Victoria.

As well as listing addresses and phone numbers, the State Government-funded guide contains sub-chapters on talking to children about "tough stuff", how to maintain a child’s relationship with his or her dad and even affirming life stories of mothers’ experiences.

"People in the community make certain assumptions about single mothers ... we need to realise it’s a very common situation," says Minister for Children Maxine Morand.

Ms Curran, 38, lives this reality in her modest two-bedroom rented flat in the northern suburbs.

While she works full time in a semi-professional role in the conservation movement and takes home a monthly salary of $3000, supplemented by Federal Government childcare and family payments, getting by is still a financial struggle.

"The luxury of going to a movie or getting in a babysitter after hours, I don't have that," she says.

"Being a single mother is a 24/7 role but, you know what, resilience gets me through."

Copies of the booklet are available online at www.education. vic.gov.au/ parents

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Single Mothers: A Resource Guide for Parenting Solo

http://www.educatio n.vic.gov. au/parents

http://www.educatio n.vic.gov. au/earlychildhoo d/parenting/ singlemothersres ource.htm

Single Mothers Parenting Resource

As a single mother, you may face tough times and parenting situations that many others don’t have to deal with.

The publication Single Mothers: a resource for parenting solo, offers practical tips for single mothers on adjusting to change, looking after yourself, helping your children cope, and building positive family relationships.

The experience of being a single mother is different for everyone. Acknowledging this the publication also includes stories and tips from single mothers in a variety of situations.

To read online or print out this new parenting resource, see: Single Mothers: a resource for parenting solo (PDF - 4.1Mb, 52 pages).
http://www.eduweb. vic.gov.au/ edulibrary/ public/earlychil dhood/parentinfo /singlemothers. pdf

Copies of this publication are available from the

Council to Single Mothers and their Children

Web: http://www.csmc. org.au/

Email: csmc@csmc.org. au

Tel: 03 9654 0622

============ ========= ========= ======

APPENDIX

Your Children's Dad

When Dad is Involved

DAD MAY HAVE A DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE FROM YOU

This might take some getting used to, especially if it involves different values or beliefs.

As long as your children are safe and secure, then different approaches and styles can work – they can even help your children to understand that different rules apply for different situations. One way of dealing with this is to think about the difference between a preference (I don't like my two-year-old eating sweet biscuits) and an essential parenting practice
(My child needs insulin).

For some dads it might take a little time to get the hang of a one-on-one relationship with their children, especially if they have not been the main carer. They might need to learn practical care on the job. Some dads might also want to be involved by visiting the child care centre or kindergarten, maternal and child health service, attending parent teacher evenings or getting copies of notes and records.

When dads live at a distance, children will still benefit from regular email, phone and letter contact. Dads might also like to receive drawings or photos of your children. Whatever the level of involvement, children benefit when dad is up-to-date with their interests and keeps in communication.

If it’s not possible to make plans or share decisions with the children’s dad, or if agreements are consistently broken, some contingency plans will help your children:

- Have a plan in place for the times that dad might cancel or not turn up for an access visit.

- Protect your children from any heated discussions or arguments you might have with their dad.

- Encourage your children to develop relationships with other trusted adults – extended family, friends, teachers, neighbours or sport coaches.

FACTS AND FIGURES

In Australia, 51% of children from single parent families see the non-resident parent at least once per fortnight.

Dealing with Conflict

CHILDREN DO ADAPT TO SEPARATION

It’s ongoing conflict between parents that hurts them.

When parents disagree they can still use good communication strategies such as listening carefully and speaking to each other respectfully so they can resolve their differences. These strategies are valuable life skills for children.

But when parents use tactics such as fighting, swearing, name-calling, or physical or mental abuse to resolve conflict, this is likely to lead to distress and difficulties for your child.

Tips to protect your children from conflict

- If you have to have a hard conversation with your ex partner, or you think things might get heated, do it somewhere where your children cannot hear you.

- Try to stay polite and respectful in your dealings with your children’s dad. Have quick chats in public places, such as your child care centre, kindergarten or children’s school or crèche, where it can be easier to stay polite.

- Speak or write to your former partner directly, rather than asking your children to be messengers.

- If it’s hard to talk, try using SMS, email, or a shared journal (a diary or book about your children that travels between houses and includes important information about your children).

- When you do communicate, keep the focus on your children’s accomplishments and needs. Your children will feel reassured knowing that both parents are interested in their wellbeing.

- Avoid asking your children intrusive questions about their dad, or asking them to withhold information from their dad.

- Acknowledge your children’s feelings and affection for their dad.

- Share with your children the good parts of the relationship with your former partner.

- Talk to an adult friend, not to your children, about any problems you may be having with their dad.

KEEPING DAD INVOLVED IN CHILDREN’S LIVES CAN BE ONE OF THE TRICKIEST ISSUES FOR SINGLE MOTHERS

“It is important that children can have the opportunity to establish their own relationship with birth parents. The focus should be on the relationship; not the living arrangement.”

“It’s good for the boys to see their dad and I need the ‘mental peace’ to have a break.”

“My ex-husband makes a great part time parent ... with the help of his mum and dad whose house they all stay at whenever he has the kids! This is the only way he can cope, but he loves them and they him so it works and gives me a break!”

“Shared parenting can work provided both parents work together, however, most parents I know who have split up do so because they disagree about many things, including how they parent. My experience is that as time goes on and both parents move on with their lives, the shared parenting becomes less stressful than it is in the beginning.”

“My ex-husband and I ... believe our child’s welfare is the biggest priority, so we still communicate regarding continuity of routine, discipline, etc. We may be apart but we are still both his parents.”

Two Homes

KIDS COPE WELL WITH DIFFERENT ROUTINES IN DIFFERENT HOUSES, AS LONG AS THE RULES ARE CLEAR IN EACH HOUSEHOLD & SOME THINGS STAY PREDICTABLE

A place for me Children need a place they can call their own and a space for storing their things in both homes. This can be created even if they don't have their own bedroom.

Be organised Have some basic clothing and personal items in each home to save children from taking things backwards and forwards. When children are young, and even when they get older, they might have a special item/a blanket/ or toy that goes everywhere with them. This item may need to move between homes.

Stay flexible As children grow older, they will have extra school, social and maybe even work commitments. This might make it harder for them to move from one house to another.

Children are different If your children are feeling confused and anxious about moving between two houses, talk to the other parent and try to work out a solution.

Family events Special social and cultural events can be difficult when they are celebrated in two separate homes. Talk to your children about the arrangements in advance and let them know that this is an opportunity for them to maintain their connections with extended family.

When children don't want to be there It is very hard to deal with a situation where your children don't want to go to dad’s or come home to you. For some children this may be a temporary feeling that goes away once they are back in routine. For others, such as very young children, separation may be quite traumatic. You might also be dealing with older children who are reluctant to go to dad’s because of their busy social calendar.

If you feel that your children are safe and secure, but they are still asking to come home, difficult as it may be, reassure your children that you will be home waiting when they return or will pick them up by a set time. Young children can better understand the passage of time if you refer to familiar events like lunch or dinnertime.

When your children are settled back with you and feeling calm, try to find out why they felt distressed and provide lots of reassurance. If possible, try to work out a solution with your children’s father.

You might even need to examine your children’s care arrangements to make sure their needs are being met – and remember their needs will change as they grow and mature. If your children’s reaction is related to not feeling safe or secure, you will need to get advice and support to see you through these times. Try the Women’s Legal Service of Victoria, phone 03 9642 0877 or 1800 133 302.

When your children move from one house to another, they might go through an ‘emotional jetlag’. They might be unsettled and grumpy coming back from their other home. The secret is to plan ahead for the unsettled period and allow time where possible to be available to help your children make the adjustment.

Birthdays Let children know in advance what the arrangements will be for their birthday. You may have to make some compromises. It can make it easier, for both you and your children, if you can keep up some traditions that you previously shared, like opening presents in bed in the morning or having a special dessert.

Gifts You might need to talk about when to give gifts and what kind of gifts are suitable, for example only on special occasions, or once a month for small gifts. Talk about
the larger gifts you might buy for a special occasion and what is appropriate for your children.

---

Here are 5 tips to deal with these times and help your children adjust.

1. Create routines for when your children come home such as eating a snack together, or looking at future events on the calendar.

2. As part of the routine, create an opportunity that always helps your children get back into the ways of your home: for example, they always unpack their bags when they arrive home.

3. Give your children a chance to unwind and adjust. Be there for your children and take your cues from them, whether they want to do a quiet activity like read a book, or do something physical like play outside.

4. Keep the lines of communication going, but avoid asking too many questions about their time with dad. Your children may want to talk about their time with dad once settled.

5. Avoid hand-over times when your children are tired, such as bedtimes.

More...